Well, if I wasn't an adult before, I am now. When exactly does the transformation take place? And I'm not certain I ever asked to be in charge of my entire life...well - maybe I did when I was 13 or 14. But I was young and stupid - what can I say. Being in charge of your own life is hard, and I'd like to change my mind now. Dr. Dressup, apples and cheese, please.
A lot changed for me over the past year, and I changed a lot. Thinking back over the year, it went fast - really fast.
Some of it makes me laugh - like random adventures in the Elk Valley, Courtney & I's adventures in Sparlem (HA! That was one for the books), an afternoon with Michelle (one for the photo album...or not), Hynda's birthday (I'm more outgoing than I thought), love confessed in the back of a taxi (what does one say to that?!), EVCC Christmas Parties, last night out in Fernie (hehe, good times) - and infinite more.
Some of it embarasses me a bit, even now - to think of the silly things I said or did, amidst trying to navigate my way through new or difficult situations. Or just being ridiculous, because everyone needs to do that sometimes. But most of the embarassing moments also make me laugh - and I know that the majority of them, no one else would consider embarassing...just a product of the moment. And so I laugh.
Some of it makes me sad, and a bit wistful for days gone by. I said goodbye to some good things, some good memories, and some good people - more than once. Some days, I wish I could go back to any number of times and live there again, in that moment - just for a minute. One of my favorite songs is 'Starts With Goodbye', by Carrie Underwood:
"I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye."
I learned a lot this year about letting go and moving on. It's hard, even when you know its the right thing to do, and even when you don't want to. Fortunately, few of the things I've let go of haven't actually left my life, they've just changed roles - something I am extremely grateful for. Or some of them - like my life in Canada - aren't gone, just sleeping. :)
Some of the year was hurtful; things I or other people did, said, or experienced. But from those moments, I grew stronger and I learned more about myself, life, and how to live.
All the memories and experiences I accumulated over the year - happy, funny, embarassing, sad, difficult, hurtful - now, every single one of them makes me smile, at least a little bit, if not a lot. I've decided to live with no regrets - some decisions I made were good, others bad - but all of them got me to where I am now. I don't regret any of them. And I see that I've changed; a year's worth of change. Must be older and wiser, eh?
I won't try to list the names of all the people I am grateful to for their support and the roles they've played in my life - especially with regards to my time in Japan. But I appreciate it beyond what words can say.
Dr. Dressup, apples and cheese was good. But I suppose, despite the difficulties it sometimes presents, this grown up thing isn't so bad. In fact, I might even be enjoying it. :) This last year has been a rollercoaster of adventures...
Let's see what this year throws at me! Happy Birthday to me...